Dan Kurtzman's Late Night Joke Roundup for the Week
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Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog
By Daniel Kurtzman, About.com Guide to Political Humor since 2000
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The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes
Friday October 10, 2008
"Naturally the smart thing to do to solve your economic woes is to demonize the Democrats. And of course, Sarah Palin is more than happy to oblige. She's been saying that Obama hangs out with terrorists. And you know, I think the evangelical lady who's in a video getting blessed by a witch doctor, who's married to a secessionist, and can't name a newspaper -- she's right, Obama is scary." --Bill Maher "The question she keeps asking at all of the rallies is, 'Who is Barack Obama?' You know what, genius, maybe if you'd picked up a newspaper in the last year you'd know. He's the guy who's kicking your ass." --Bill Maher
"The legislative panel in Alaska investing Troopergate released their report that says Sarah Palin illegally abused her power as governor by firing the state police chief because he wouldn't fire her sister's ex-husband. But they said she didn't actually break the law so she won't go to prison. Which is a pity because it would have been the first time she was ever involved in a complete sentence." --Bill Maher
"The presidential debate was a town hall format, which is John McCain's favorite way to speak to crowds, as opposed to Barack Obama's favorite way, a Sermon on the Mount." --Jay Leno
"They had the town hall format, and that meant that the candidates could wander around on stage. You know, I like John McCain, but wandering around on stage there, he looked like a retiree who can't find his Buick." --David Letterman
"Are you excited about Sarah Palin? Well, yesterday she referred to Afghanistan as our neighboring country. Apparently, she can see bin Laden's cave from her house." --David Letterman
"Sarah Palin, Miss Alaska, is saying she doesn't know who Barack Obama really is. That's interesting because she also doesn't know who Sarkozy is, Gordon Brown, Kim Jong-Il, Hugo Chavez, Vladimir Putin, Osama bin Laden." --David Letterman
"Did you watch the debate last night? I gave up drinking a while ago, but I started again. And I'm watching the debate last night, and I did a shot every time John McCain said, 'My friends.' And so I am just blotto." --David Letterman
"At one point McCain referred to Barack Obama as 'that one.' And McCain later thought maybe something had gone haywire. He apologized, he said he got confused, he thought he was at the bakery." –David Letterman
"It got a little heated at one point during the debate. McCain talked about experience and he said, 'We don't have time for on-the-job training.' Then why did you pick Sarah Palin?" --Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin was not mentioned during the debate and did not watch the debate. I thought that was interesting. And they said, 'Well, Sarah, why? I'm sorry, Miss Alaska -- why didn't you watch the debate?' And she said, 'Well, I'm busy reading every newspaper and magazine ever published.'" --David Letterman
"Well, because of all the international focus on the election, last night's debate was broadcast in foreign countries all across Europe, Asia, and South America, or, as Sarah Palin calls them, Russia." --Conan O'Brien
"And the only really new proposal last night came from John McCain. McCain proposed buying up bad homeowner mortgages. Not to save the middle class. You know McCain, he just likes buying houses." --Jay Leno
"Of course, Barack Obama criticized John McCain for singing 'Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran.' Remember that? Ironically, it's now the number one song in Israel." --Jay Leno
"The second presidential debate is tonight. And beforehand, I don't know if you heard this, John McCain said, 'The gloves are coming off.' That's what he said, yeah. Yeah, then McCain said, 'but don't worry, the diaper is staying on.'" --Conan O'Brien
"John McCain has pulled out of Michigan. I guess the surge wasn't working. Yup, this is stunning to me. John McCain blew off Michigan. Well, I know how they feel. Maybe you noticed that all of John McCain's problems began when he bailed out on this show? Were you aware of that? The road to the White House runs right through here." --David Letterman
"In Boca Raton, Florida, yesterday, a woman who looked like Sarah Palin caused a near riot when she walked into a diner for breakfast. But after a minute or two, people finally realized it wasn't her when she started answering questions." --Jay Leno
"Of course, the most controversial thing Sarah Palin said last night was she felt the vice president should have more power. More power? Dick Cheney is shooting people in the face and doesn't even get arrested. You cannot get any more powerful than that." --Jay Leno
"President Bush's response to this economic crisis was to meet with some small business owners at a soda shop in San Antonio, Texas, this week. Well, the bad news? The small business owners are now General Motors, General Electric, and Century 21." --Jay Leno
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Comment by Ed— 2008/10/11 @ 11:59 AM — (Reply)